Running Away

Posted: August 7, 2009 in butterflies, macro photography

In the end, there is no running away.  I could gain the whole world and know that it would not change anything.  I could lose everything I own now and it would not change how I felt.

I could go away.  I could come back.  And everything will be the same.  There's no running away from myself.

I feel as if everything has not changed when I am closest to death.  Or believe that I am.

So I pursue Death more than I dare to pursue Life.

I have learnt nothing.  And gotten nowhere from having opened my eyes.  Now I would like to go back to dreaming.

And pretend that nothing I know is real.  

Such inertia.  Even pretending requires so much faith. 

When will I have the courage to stop walking around in circles in this desolation?

These empty vestiges of happiness only make sense to those who have so much to lose.  Fear of things worse than Death balance off against the spur to find real happiness.  

But. For better or for worse, it's time to let go.  Now.  Before it's too late.

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Comments
  1. Thank you for sharing these photos, Ellen. I know, how much they mean to you.

  2. SusanMac says:

    I hope that you can get through this time alright. It is so hard to go back and remember those tough times.

  3. Shutterbug says:

    These pictures are incredibly moving. Sending you lots of love from the states to help you through this difficult time *hug*

  4. Waterbaby says:

    This is just beautiful, butterfly, moving, tender and sad. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Jaffnut says:

    Very thought provoking and emotive photos Ellen. My thoughts are with you through this difficult time.

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